What If?

What do you do when you feel part of you left with a person who will never be part of you again? What do you do if that part of you was awesome? What do you do if that person came back to you saying "I'm sorry" and you know you can't say yes, because dignity is telling you, na uh sister! And you have been hurt so badly, that you really feel this person has no way of getting back to how it used to be? But what if you feel it is the only person who has made you feel this way, and that you'll never find anyone like him? Or that you'll be haunted by him, and what if you see this person almost daily? What if you feel extremely hurt, because every little thing you see reminds you of that person? A car, a place, a voice, another person, something you love, an instrument, a bus, a seat, a school, two schools, a sport (or many) some tenni shoes, some shoes in general, a movie theater, a cafe, your school, the bus you take home, even your own family. That has to be crazy. And what if even seeing that car makes your heart beat really fast, and then slow down radically because you remeber it's not like that anymore, so radically, you feel that it will come to a sudden stop. What if I'm just not trying hard enough? What if I'm not turning the page, moving forward, getting over it, leaving the past, or whichever way you want to see it? What if I'm afraid of the future? What if I don't feel the same way about that person, but you also don't feel healthier? What if... what the heck am I doing? Where is the positivism from the before entries huh? Where am I? I mean, where is the person I used to be? Giver her back ¬¬.
What if all these question's answers are right there in my head, but I can't seem to find the react button?
What if I tried?
Well, try harder.